i'm not good enough,i know

I'm forgetful,I know.I'm careless,I know.But that doesn't mean I will forget you or I'd care less about you.I care about you more than anyone else does.When you I looked at your message asking me to think what's your place in my heart,I was stunned.I didn't know what to reply.First?Second?Third?Fourth?Fifth?How could you ask me such question?Why couldn't you feel that I have always and always put you in the first place?I thought you'd know it,I thought you'd feel it,but the way you asked me, told me that you have no faith in me.How sad is that to know that!I know I don't always send you sweet messages,but that doesn't mean I don't like you.I know we seldom spend time together,but that's because I thought you want to accompany ah B,so I give you your own time and space so that you can play with him.Who doesn't want to spend time with her boyfriend?Who doesn't want to see boyfriend everyday?But whenever I see you tired and look not so in the mood,I dare not to interrupt you.I just want you to rest more and be more energetic,as in more bersemangat.I know when you fell sick that time,I didn't take good care of you.I'm not a good girlfriend,I'm trying to change,but please,don't ask me such question,what is your place in my heart,it really hurts me.It makes me feel so emo,I couldn't stay focused.Until now,only I realize that you have no trust in me.Hmm,how could I gain your trust?I know I'm slow,I'm trying to change gear,but i don't know how.=( =( =(