If

If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

If only i were a poet...

the imperfect me

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. . . I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?" He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow.... " My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.." This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. "When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. " My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread...... Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win arguments...
-unknown, 2009-

this post really makes me notice my imperfection. what a lousy girlfriend i've always been! i demand too much from you but i've never cared about what you need. i'm too kiddy and childish until i couldn't even take good care of myself. you're the one who is always there to protect me but i've never looked after you properly even when you're sick. i'm the one who is always hot-tempered and you're the one who has to bear with me silently. haisy, your perfection has reflected my imperfection! i think i've promised you that i'd change to be a better one, but it seems like i haven't gone too far for the changes. i'm still at the same old spot, have never changed though i remind myself to change. what's wrong with me? i really hate the feeling when i make you feel that you're like rubbish. no, not at all. you are NOT rubbish. talking about rubbish, i've really got the feeling that i'm a rubbish. trash. hahhaha, can't be recycled, no value at all. rubbish like me should be disposed to a landfill, but why would i still deserve a good lover like you? haiyo, this makes me feel even more guilty. i fear that one day you'd get tired of me, then what would happen between us? that day on the phone when we're talking about fiona, suddenly you blurted out that "sometimes it's tiring talking to you". i was a bit "terasa" actually. plus my hormone level was imbalanced, that's why i talked to you rudely after that, i'm really sorry if i hurt you, i shouldn't be too sensitive. i'm sorry. just because of my bad-tempered, you have to suffer for the whole day, that friday night when i saw you didn't eat well, i really felt there's a pain in the heart. so so so so so so so so so so bad of me to make you emo for no reason. dui bu qi. now, i feel that my long wait since semester 1 has blossomed into such a sweet n lovely flower, i want to keep it long-lasting. i want my flower to bloom even more in the future, hahaha, if possible, into a tree and then the tree would produce more love fruits heeeheeee... so cute..eheh,sounds weird, why and how would a flower blossom into a tree? possible or impossible? haiya don't know la, this is not a scientific post so not necessarily everything has to be reasonable right? right? anar anar, right right just to reassure myself muahahaha, bodoh. ermm, wait, where did i stop just now? ooh, about the tiredness. if i were granted 3 wishes, the 1st one would be the greediest, that is i want ong sang geng not to be tired in our relationship and won't get tired AT ALL in the future no matter what happens. 2nd: i want us to stay happy and sweet forever. the 3rd is the simplest one: i want another 1000 wishes to wish for what i haven't wished for. wahahahhaa,pretty simple right. i'm not that greedy, i know you can do it. so please har, if you can't fulfill all the wishes, at least the 1st two wishes must be granted. that's my birthday wish for my next year, now am using the quota. so u must bless me, ok? deal? DEAL!! hhahahaa thx thx thx heaps!! and and and, this post would open for all readers just for today. i hope he could read this. hahahahahahaha,i love you if you're reading this! whoohoohooo.