If

If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

If only i were a poet...

the imperfect me

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. . . I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?" He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow.... " My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.." This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. "When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. " My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread...... Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win arguments...
-unknown, 2009-

this post really makes me notice my imperfection. what a lousy girlfriend i've always been! i demand too much from you but i've never cared about what you need. i'm too kiddy and childish until i couldn't even take good care of myself. you're the one who is always there to protect me but i've never looked after you properly even when you're sick. i'm the one who is always hot-tempered and you're the one who has to bear with me silently. haisy, your perfection has reflected my imperfection! i think i've promised you that i'd change to be a better one, but it seems like i haven't gone too far for the changes. i'm still at the same old spot, have never changed though i remind myself to change. what's wrong with me? i really hate the feeling when i make you feel that you're like rubbish. no, not at all. you are NOT rubbish. talking about rubbish, i've really got the feeling that i'm a rubbish. trash. hahhaha, can't be recycled, no value at all. rubbish like me should be disposed to a landfill, but why would i still deserve a good lover like you? haiyo, this makes me feel even more guilty. i fear that one day you'd get tired of me, then what would happen between us? that day on the phone when we're talking about fiona, suddenly you blurted out that "sometimes it's tiring talking to you". i was a bit "terasa" actually. plus my hormone level was imbalanced, that's why i talked to you rudely after that, i'm really sorry if i hurt you, i shouldn't be too sensitive. i'm sorry. just because of my bad-tempered, you have to suffer for the whole day, that friday night when i saw you didn't eat well, i really felt there's a pain in the heart. so so so so so so so so so so bad of me to make you emo for no reason. dui bu qi. now, i feel that my long wait since semester 1 has blossomed into such a sweet n lovely flower, i want to keep it long-lasting. i want my flower to bloom even more in the future, hahaha, if possible, into a tree and then the tree would produce more love fruits heeeheeee... so cute..eheh,sounds weird, why and how would a flower blossom into a tree? possible or impossible? haiya don't know la, this is not a scientific post so not necessarily everything has to be reasonable right? right? anar anar, right right just to reassure myself muahahaha, bodoh. ermm, wait, where did i stop just now? ooh, about the tiredness. if i were granted 3 wishes, the 1st one would be the greediest, that is i want ong sang geng not to be tired in our relationship and won't get tired AT ALL in the future no matter what happens. 2nd: i want us to stay happy and sweet forever. the 3rd is the simplest one: i want another 1000 wishes to wish for what i haven't wished for. wahahahhaa,pretty simple right. i'm not that greedy, i know you can do it. so please har, if you can't fulfill all the wishes, at least the 1st two wishes must be granted. that's my birthday wish for my next year, now am using the quota. so u must bless me, ok? deal? DEAL!! hhahahaa thx thx thx heaps!! and and and, this post would open for all readers just for today. i hope he could read this. hahahahahahaha,i love you if you're reading this! whoohoohooo.

i'm not good enough,i know

I'm forgetful,I know.I'm careless,I know.But that doesn't mean I will forget you or I'd care less about you.I care about you more than anyone else does.When you I looked at your message asking me to think what's your place in my heart,I was stunned.I didn't know what to reply.First?Second?Third?Fourth?Fifth?How could you ask me such question?Why couldn't you feel that I have always and always put you in the first place?I thought you'd know it,I thought you'd feel it,but the way you asked me, told me that you have no faith in me.How sad is that to know that!I know I don't always send you sweet messages,but that doesn't mean I don't like you.I know we seldom spend time together,but that's because I thought you want to accompany ah B,so I give you your own time and space so that you can play with him.Who doesn't want to spend time with her boyfriend?Who doesn't want to see boyfriend everyday?But whenever I see you tired and look not so in the mood,I dare not to interrupt you.I just want you to rest more and be more energetic,as in more bersemangat.I know when you fell sick that time,I didn't take good care of you.I'm not a good girlfriend,I'm trying to change,but please,don't ask me such question,what is your place in my heart,it really hurts me.It makes me feel so emo,I couldn't stay focused.Until now,only I realize that you have no trust in me.Hmm,how could I gain your trust?I know I'm slow,I'm trying to change gear,but i don't know how.=( =( =(

us=malang

haish,just when i thought shen's wound is getting better and better,i have this naive thought that yeay,we can live happily as we did last time,but all of a sudden, something else happens on someone else.why is it continuously occurring to us?the three of us.ish,we went to temple to baibai and ask the buddha bobi bobi us already,but why is it still happening to us?i'm not complaining or blaming anyone else,it just makes me feel bad though.seems like all the bad things keep coming,and what about the good ones?when?where?how?i somehow have a very strong feeling that something bad will happen to me no sooner or later.the first victim was shen,scalded by hot oil,then now it's xiang xiang's turn,whom is a yet-to-be-diagnosed-but-with-high-possibility-infected by chicken pox girl.next,should be me.sounds so dead,right?no one could predict what would happen to me,even i myself couldn't foretell it.i hope it is just a minor incident,maybe get stung by a mosquito?haha,i like to tell a porky to myself.all i could do now is to take good care of those two girls in my house and,more and most importantly,take good care of my own.i don't want anything bad happens to me.really don't.i mean who wants?duhh,lame question!buddha buddha,guan yin ma guan yin ma,please bobi bobi the three of us safe and sound.let us lead a peaceful and happy life here.thank you,amitabha.

jjajiangmien

ishh,since i've promised ng siok shen not to complain and nag in front of her,so i have to shout out my dissatisfaction here.why on earth is a korean restaurant doesn't sell jjajiangmian?it's the most famous and common food in korea.if you,the korea restaurant doesn't sell,then who else does?i've travelled all the way from my home to the city just to find you,but then you made me disappointed,very.whenever i think of food,i think of you,jjajiangmien.the dark soy sauce mixed with the noodles.and i guess there's some minced pork or peanuts on it.and and and the highlight is the way you slurp up the noodles,that's what i want to feel.arghh,i feel my stomach is now growling,starving even though just now i ate until i felt like my belly's gonna to explode.arrrggghhhh,my jjajiangmien,when and where could i find you?i saw jjajiangmien in a korean grocery shop,was excited at first,but in the end i ended up indecisive and i thought for quite a sometime,i didn't buy it though as the noodle is the ramen type,which is the main reason that i didn't grab it off the shelf.all i want is the noodles type noodles,not the ramen type noodles,get what i mean?haha,i admit i'm slightly too picky,well,maybe a little bit more than slightly.hahaha.never mind,i won't give up looking for jjajiangmien,once i've found you,you'd be found digested in koo's stomach,wakaka and then comes out in the toilet bowl.eeewww,why am i suddenly sound so "er"?lol.haishh,jjajiangmien jjajiangmien,you please bobi bobi me so that i could find you earlier.thanks a lot.another is that today i finally can see my onggaru.whee,so happy =)glad that he's okay but only feeling tired.he looks not bad,but just that his voice has changed a bit,i shall say now that he's having a hoarse voice.hahah,see,i'm trying to put all the new words here.whenever he's sick,i feel sick as well.i don't know why is onggaru affecting me so much?or is it too much?is it a good or bad thing?i don't know,and i don't even bother to know.all i know is if he's okay and happy,then i'd be happy as well,like a happy little vegemite,jumping around,talk non-stop.haha,see,he has really poisoned my mind,he has controlled all my thoughts,wait,i shall delete off this virus slowly slowly so that i won't be hacked too seriously.wahahaha.well,after seeing him today really made me feel so relieved.tomorrow i wouldn't have the time to see him,so i most probably have to wait till wednesday as i'm 100% sure that tuesday he'd chuck a sickie as usual.to be more precise,he has been chucking for don't know how many sickies since 1st semester.haha,i couldn't count,as it is uncountable,lol.anyway,just hope that he can get well soon,and he can go lecture as usual.i wanna see you,haha,i like to see you.bye bye onggaru.good night.

i miss onggaru

onggaru onggaru onggaru,i hope you'll get well soon.i don't know what can i do to make you feel better.you complain of being tired all day long,that's why i try not to text you or call you while you're sleeping.but i actually miss you a lot.very much.too much.i want to see you but i'm afraid i will disturb you.when can i see you again? i'm sure tomorrow i wouldn't have the time to see you as i have to clean my house.monday both of us have placement and therefore i can't see you again.tuesday you as usual will skip the one hour lecture.wednesday.all i hope is to see you on wednesday.aikss,when would wednesday arrive?i start counting the days,hours,minutes,seconds.it's slow.the tick-tocks of the clock make me impatient.i wanna to be in your arms again.i wanna hold you tight.i wanna feel you in my arms again.i want to have you so much.but i don't know how to tell you and let you know how i feel.hmmmphh,i miss you.i wanna hear your voice for once.receive your text/messages.on skype and chat with you.but why do you seem so far even though you're so near to me?haish,i want you so so so much.i love you.

kookoovia/koogarru

aikss,i really have to admit that i'm really that hangat-hangat tahi ayam type of person.i feel extremely lazy to update my blog frequently,unlike all my other friends who have been so active in posting and updating and beautifying their blogs.compared to theirs,my blog appears to be the simplest,or i shall say,the paling teruk one.haha,tak apa la,blog ini hanya for few people to read,so i suppose they don't mind either.and if whoever who reads my blog and complains,i shall delete you off from my list.kahkahkah,kidding kiiding only yea,my dear mary anne,ng siok shen and jj!!lol,back to the topic,i hope i can switch and become kookoovia/koogarru.u know why?!because kookoovia doesn't have to go uni on fridays from 8am to 5pm!!arghhh,the hectic schedule on fridays can really WIPE ME OFF!!hahaha!!kookoovia ar kookoovia,when can we switch?u tell me,i'm ready to switch!more than ready,kekeke!becoming you is really not a bad idea,in fact,i should say it's more than great to become you.you are cute and that's why people sayang you alot.even if you're lazy and always absent,people won't scold,parents won't nag at you.even if you fail in your exams,and yet you wouldn't receive any warning letter from your scholar.wahh,how i wish i were you,kookoovia.though your hand was a bit handicapped after few weeks you were born,you still look so perfect to me!haiya,the more i think about you,the more i want to become you.and and and the most important point here is that,if i were you,i can spend more time with the owner,onggarru.wahahaha,that's my main purpose of becoming you!!how i miss my onggaru.onggaru,you must get well soon.i don't know what else i can do to make you feel better.i walked all the way to your house after one tiring day just to get you the medicine,but in the end i found out that you've already got the medicine.damn stupid me!really wasted my ATP,as you always say.why am i always failed to be a good gf?i've been wondering this why long time ago,and the answer to my question is yet to be found out.please define good.kookoovia,you have a mission now,please help me find out the answer!wahahaha!!but but but,to my onggaru,you must wait for me,i'm pretty sure one fine day i would become a perfect one,it just the time that matters.heehee=)i love you,onggaru,both the person and the pencil case=)